God is Listening

I feel that it is important to share testimony when God is working and moving in our individual lives. 

Sometimes, it is so reassuring that God really is listening despite all the pressing issues of war, famine, pollution, politics, psychosis, and murder; much less, blasphemy, coveting, and dishonoring the way we were parented. 

Sometimes it feels arrogant when I pray for guidance about little things, like purchasing a car. 

But then I remember the various teachings about God being in all the large and small acts in our lives - clothing the flowers and feeding the birds.  And yet, flowers and birds still can seem more significant than my personal day-to-day decisions.

In my effort to eschew pride, I also turn my face from the knowledge that I am loved, valued, and listened to by my Heavenly Father.

The past couple days I have been able to witness His ever-presence in my life.

For the past year I have been longing to replace my car of 10 years (the only car my son ever remembers us owning).  But after being unemployed for a year, and getting a job making 2/3 the wage, the idea of replacing the ol' beast wasn't really an option.  I asked God, "Lord, please help me.  Either please let my car stop breaking down all the time, or provide me with a way." 

Time passed, and I just continue to trust.  I forgot that prayer.

Then a fella I know got his dream sports car, and posted that he was selling his SUV.  I looked at my finances and could squeeze to come up with all but $1,000.  So I asked if he would let me pay installments on the difference, and he said YES.

We scheduled to look at it the next day.

I prayed that night.  "Lord, I'm excited and afraid and I need your guidance.  An SUV will cost more in gas and insurance.  I'm on such a tight budget Lord, and I can't lose that control.  But God, I want this car SO BAD.  So, so, SO BAD!  I need your help and guidance, I need you to tell me what to do here.  I need you to tell me several times because both my desire and fear are so intense that I fear I'll ignore you if you just say it once."

I prayed this while driving. 

To be forthright, I have always felt in my heart that I'm mildly insulting God when I pray while driving.

Jesus stopped everything, knelt in the woods, and devoted all attention to God during prayer.  I'm checking my mirrors, my speed limit, eyeballing the cars around me, and also talking to God.  But at this particular time, I hoped that my previous belief was just me having overly high expectations of what I am expected in prayer.  I was so overcome with emotion while driving that I just HAD to talk to God.  No one could appease me but Him.  I didn't want the wise counsel of a friend or family member.  My yearn was to Him.

The next day, during my lunch break, I went home to find the 2009 tax return check I had stashed away (I filed late and received the check about two months go.  I never opened the envelope, life was too busy for another trip to the bank). 

The check was $1,100 MORE than what I had remembered my tax return stating.  That is $1,100 more than what I had budgeted when I was thinking I could scrape up $1000 less than my friend's asking price.

Then when I went to get the money order, there was $100 MORE in my wallet than I knew was in there.  I could not have counted $50 bills as twenties, could I?

I bought the car today.

Tonight, my ex husband gave me my child support check FIVE days EARLY.   That NEVER happens!

Tonight, my ex husband told me that he knows how the economy is and that he and his wife have decided to let me claim my son on my tax return for 2010 (our custody agreement stipulates he gets to file the extra exemption).

TONIGHT - The Lord has reassured me that He uses all to His good, and that while he looks after the flowers and the birds; the war zones and the famished; he also cares about my peace of mind, vehicular safety, and general JOY.  That my prayer was heard and answered regardless of the venue in which I prayed.

TONIGHT - THE LORD HAS SPOKEN.

Tonight - I am speechless.

HALLELUJAH!

~Jess